you always get the best of me w4m I know this is no place to post, Ive never done this before but I figured why not? I have told you how I felt and I figured Id post it on here as well guess because I wanted to put it out there in another way I guess. Anyways, It was so good to see your face yesterday. It felt like forever since we last spoke although it wasnt long at all and I told myself that when you left I was going to be okay because then Id have a little time to sort things out. I told myself when you got back and contacted me that I was going to let you have it for the way you do me. Then you contacted me and I didnt follow through with my word. Did I let you have it? NO! I couldnt. You have such a hold on me and I hate that. I hate that you know it as well. You said cmon and I was there. I love the way you make me feel when Im with you although deep down I know you dont see me the way I wish you would. You only use me and I know that yet for some reason I just keep torturing myself and hoping that one day you will come around. You say you like me but what exactly is like in your book? You like me because I "help you out" when you need to get some right? I like the fact that Im the one you want to do that with but it hurts to know thats all you want from me. After yesterdays events Im even more confused than I was before. Why did I put myself in this situation? I should have known better. You got what you wanted yesterday. Im always so eager to please you in every way possible. You have to know that by now. But what about me? Why couldnt you "help me out" a little? Why is it always that way? I feel like a man who does that doesnt respect who he is with. Then I let it go rather than saying something to you. Then you want to take me out, which honestly was a first for me and you and it shocked me that you wanted to hang out somewhere other than your place. I dont know, you send me such mixed emotions and signals I guess you do it because you know already how to work me and I keep letting you do it which is my own fault. You are the only one who has ever gotten the best of me in such a short period of time. You got what you wanted and then thats it. Guess Ill hear from you again when your ready for the next round, but Im thinking I may follow through with my word and let you have it. Tell you exactly how I feel. Then again, Ive done that to you before and you keep me wanting more. I always come right back for it. I just want the truth I just want to know why you string me a long. I know you say you are in no place for a real relationship, but I believe thats your excuse to get what you want without any real responsibility. I wish I knew exactly how you feel about me other than you think im pretty, that means nothing to me. Thats not good enough for me. You know EXACTLY what I want. Then again, I knew what you wanted and I was ok at first but I should have known I was going to fall for you. I knew I would and I was hoping you would do the same, but now I know that someone always gets hurt in these types of arrangements. Im glad your leaving again so I can move on from you.
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